Exam Results Day

Preparing to open that GCSE Results envelope

If you’re a parent or carer of a child receiving exam results, actor and psychotherapist Laura Patch shares her advice to help you frame and navigate this situation.

Results day.

Those two words are enough to give any parent a sudden spike in heart rate.

We want so badly for our kids to succeed and when the big day arrives, our instinct is to protect, fix or immediately scramble the jets for plan B. But resilience isn’t built by instantly fixing the problem. It’s built by making our young people feel accepted, understood and trusted, whatever the numbers are going to be inside that envelope.

Tip 1: Separating identity from grades

The first thing is to separate your child’s identity from their grades because children and teenagers absorb the belief that their self-worth depends on academic results. So instead of saying you did so well or worrying if they didn’t, focus on who they are as a person. Remind them, I’m proud of you. I’m proud of your effort and I love you. Yes, say it explicitly. Because a grade is a snapshot of one day. It’s not a measure of their value or their future.

Tip 2: Empathic Tuning

And here’s where we can get a little bit of empathic tuning into our toolbox. Because when and if results do fall short, our immediate reaction is to offer quick comfort. Oh, it’s not the end of the world, but to them right now, it might really feel like it is. So before jumping into reassurance or solution mode, match their emotional reality. Sit with them in that feeling. Try saying, I can see how disappointed you are. After working so hard, it feels really heavy right now, doesn’t it? Let them feel heard before rushing in and trying to fix. And then the best thing we can do for ourselves is to restore agency to them. And we can check our own frame and, restore their autonomy.

Tip 3: Check in on our own motivation

We take a breath, a big one, and we ask ourselves, is this anxiety about their future or my expectations? Keep a calm, steady presence. And then we want to hand the wheel back to them and ask open questions like, what do you need right now? A distraction or a talk? Or when you’re ready, we can look through some options together. When young people know they are valued unconditionally by they will find the strength to navigate their path forward.

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